Heartbroken College Student

[fusion_text]Dear Tio Paco,

My girlfriend just broke up with me and I have no idea what to do or how to handle it. We were together for 9 months and we had some amazing times together. I thought everything was going great until she told me last week that she had feelings for my friend Eduardo. So much for bro code because they are now together. According to my friend Nancy, they had confessed their love to each other a month ago, and told me last. When Eduardo told me about it I just said “it’s fine.” I wanted to kick his ass but he’s super jacked, I’d most likely lose. I see them all the time together walking on the Bronc Trail holding hands and it makes me sick to my stomach.

     I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I just want to get over the betrayal and the heart break already. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Heartbroken College Student

Dear heartbroken mijito,

     Estas super pendejo. You never noticed your friend trying to steal your girl? Even so… Eduardo was your home boy and he pulled a fast one on you homie. That’s just cold blooded bro. I know everyone is probably telling you shit like, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” or “love is a battlefield” and all that other mugrero. Pero mijito, I’m gonna tell it to you straight. Here is what you need to do vato. First… get yourself over to the gym and get mamado. Shit, you don’t even need a gym. Just do chingo de pushups like I used to do in my cell-block back in the day. Then you need to buy yourself some protein, or peanut butter, or huevos… whatever. Just get yourself jacked bro! Finally, ponte them sexy shirtless pics on Facebook so your ex can see that you’re chingon now. After that, the ladies are gonna be jumping at you from every corner bro and you won’t even remember those other fools. If you heart is still broken after you become mamado… no mas ponte Vicks. That shit fixes everything. May la virgen be with you mijito. I hope this helps!

Dios la bendiga,

Tio Paco[/fusion_text]