Pulse Magazine

Illustrated by: Sol Santana

On Nov. 20, 2022, the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley’s Office of Advocacy & Violence Prevention (OVAP) hosted Trans Remembrance Day to remember the more than 100 transgender people we lost this year. However, owing to time constraints, OVAP selected 100 PowerPoint slides and arranged the remaining slides in a circle with a candle in the middle of each table.

Losing someone can be one of the worst experiences of one’s life, and it won’t matter how young, old, sick or healthy the person was.

The most confusing emotion is the feeling of someone taking that person away from you. Grief can take years to go away and sometimes, it never does.

The first word spoken at the event came from the host, Madeline Croll, who is transgender and majoring in political science at UTRGV. She stated in her eloquent, heartfelt speech: “I don’t need you to get it, I don’t need you to understand it, I just need you to let us live our lives.”

Even though my life experiences should have made me strong, I could not prevent a few tears from rolling down my cheeks because the event was so painful and the once-welcoming, warm environment suddenly turned ice-cold, not due to hostility but because of everyone’s sadness and rage.

I had the chance to interview her before she made her speech, which ended up with the following answers:

Since it is before starting, how would this event make you feel?

“In this very sacred event within our community where we commemorate our dead, it becomes a moment of unity for the community to gather and reaffirm our commitment that these people actually lived. That their lives are not gonna be erased, that we carry them in our heart and renew our vigilance that we’re going to fight like hell for living.”

As a trans woman, what would be the worst struggle you have in your daily life?

“I come from a position of privilege, in the sense that all my documentation is all in order. I’m in hormone replacement therapy so, I would say that there’s some issues in terms of lack of accessible health care, especially affordable health care for the transgender population.”

Did any personal experience that affected you relate to the event (Trans Remembrance Day)?

“Yes, I have experienced health care discrimination prior to when I first initially came out. I have to go through seven different providers before I found an endocrinologist who was willing to take the referral. Mind you this because I didn’t go under the informed consent model, I went with the old model. Doctors slammed the door, not even doctors, health care professionals or their secretaries slammed the door at me, and I don’t want to think about how horrible that would be for people who are not in a position of privilege like I am because my parents are allied health care professionals. So back then I was a recent student nurse. I was aware of what they were doing and I thought what they were doing was wrong and against medical ethics, rather than take it as a hint to stop I just kept on going.”

What would be a good way to spread awareness about Trans Remembrance Day?

“I wanted people to understand the fact that I get it, you know. A lot of people don’t understand transgender people. A lot of them don’t think they’ve ever met a trans person, even though I’m sure, more than likely they’ve come across a trans person and never even realized it. The fact of the matter is, you don’t need to understand. You just need to accept the fact that we’re different. That doesn’t deny us the right to exist and especially in peace. And it’s better for us all if you just close your mouth, and open your ears and listen. We have interesting lives and we would be more than happy to talk about what we go through.”

After this quick interview the priest of the community in McAllen, Pastor Alley Lopez and I talked about her speech while she was in the event as part of the host’s guests for that day, in which she said, “We need to be strong.”

I also spoke to Ray Guerra, a soloist who performed an original song that they composed called, “One Piece.” When we talked she expressed the devastation that she felt remembering all these specific events that surround the transgender community.

I asked Ray how she felt about the event. “It gives me mixed emotions, part of it I know it’s important that we remember and come together as a community, but it feels also almost frustrating because while there’s a pretty sizable LGBTQ+ community here in the Rio Grande Valley, most of them are absent from this event.”

She also talked a little about their song, “I was just thinking of all the queer people who don’t feel welcomed in their own homes or don’t even feel safe, or they can’t be themselves.” The song was written by Ray at Christmastime.

The Avila family came after that.

Kimberly Avila is a member of the transgender community who was last seen after being dropped off at the corner of 12th and Washington streets in Brownsville. The mom and sister of Avila came to ask for help from the community, according to ValleyCentral.com. Attendees could see Avila’s mother’s devastated, tired eyes in the scenario, and her tears turned into nauseous, horrific screams. At the same time, she continued to tell how the Brownsville authorities didn’t make any justice for her disappearance, how they continued the search without the help of the police, and how the flyers that she hung up on walls and more, were ripped and vandalized by the community surrounding her.

Her sister, Ivon Avila, expressed the pain she feels until this day and she still maintains the hope of a call from someone who can call them and tell them someone found her sister. “No one should go through what we were going through,” Ivon said.

Kimberly has been missing since May 13, 2017.

When the family came down, the host, Madeline, returned, announced the missing people’s names over the last two years, and collected 100 names for the PowerPoint presentation. She emphasized that not only did the over 100 names deserve respect, but so did their families.

Say their names:

Susana Villareal (“Susy”), from Durango, Mexico. Killed on Sept. 14, 2022. She was 53 years old.
DeeDee Hall, Dallas, Texas. Died in custody on May 26, 2022. She was 47 years old.
Sasha Manson, Zebulon, N.C. Shot on May 13 of 2022. She was 45 years old.
Rikkey Outumuro (“Tru Starlet”), Centralia, Washington. Shot 5 times on Oct. 31, 2021. She was 39.
Keeva Scatter, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Shot on Oct. 15, 2021. She was 34 years old.
Diana Navarro, from Bogota, Distrito Colombia. Died on Aug. 21, 2022, after two months of hospitalization. She was 32 years old.
Joey Spencer (“Jojo”), Mount Airy, North Carolina. Committed suicide on Oct. 17, 2021. He was 30 years old.
Destinee Lashaee, Houston, Texas. Committed suicide on Feb. 9, 2022. She was 29 years old.
Jo Acker, Boise, Idaho. Got shot after confronting a shooter on Oct. 25, 2021. She was 26 years old.
Mel Robert Groves, Jackson, Mississippi. Shot multiple times on Oct. 11, 2021. He was 25 years old.
Ray Muscat, Independence Township, Michigan. Shot on May 8, 2022. He was 24 years old.
Haley Gabriella Fieldmann, Beach, North Dakota. Committed suicide on Nov. 12, 2021. She was 19 years old.
Act Scott, Kansas City, Missouri. Undetermined causes of death on April 15 of 2022. Theories fall under his undiscovered medical conditions. He was 15 years old.
Asher Garcia, Frazee, Minn. Committed suicide on April 21, 2022. He was 14 years old.
Alex Bastien, Saint-Jerome, Quebec, Canada. Committed suicide on Sept. 9, 2022. He was 10 years old.

If you are experiencing depression, suicidal thoughts, or feelings of hurting yourself, don’t hesitate to get in touch with the following hotlines and services accessible at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley and across the Valley:

OVAP: Office for Advocacy and Violence Prevention

1201 W. University Dr., Edinburg, TX 78539

EMASS 3.160

Phone: (956) 665-8287

2168 E. Jackson St. Brownville, TX 78520

BNOBL 106

Phone: (956) 882-8282

Email: oavp@utrgv.edu

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:

988, text or call (bilingual communication)

Transgender Lifeline:

(877) 565-8860